Pay Careful Attention – Your Life Depends on it!

You know this already, but today is my day to remind you.

Your attention span is finite.

You are allowed to choose what you pay attention to… but you probably don’t exercise that choice as much as you want to, or need to.

You can spend all day paying attention to your normal routine, your computer screen, your aching knee, or your plans to spend money (often disguised as the next exciting thing in your life). Or you can spend your day creating a more interesting route, taking the chance to look out of the window, finding a new way to stretch and move your aching knee, or exploring life beyond the constraints of what money can buy.

Some forms of attention are mutually exclusive:

You cannot appreciate your wellbeing while focussing on your poor health.

You cannot be creative while doing what everyone else does.

You cannot be true to yourself while betraying someone else.

You cannot enjoy your wealth while worrying about your poverty.

You cannot be at peace when you are waging war.

You cannot enjoy now while planning what’s next.

You cannot learn until you are willing to now know.

You cannot love yourself while you are hating others.

You cannot win if you are not prepared to lose.

You cannot be unless you are prepared to not do.

The things we focus on and which claim our attention are the most important indicator of the life we experience. It really is that simple.

Nothing else has to change – just the things that we let our mind settle on.

What does it mean to be awake?

The sharp-eyed among you will have spotted that I changed my strap line (why does that phrase always conjure up visions of leather and dungeons?!) to ‘your friendly wake-up call’.

It’s the result of a long process of trying to explain what it is I really do. Yes, I’m a nutritional therapist; yes, I’m a life coach – but that’s just my toolbox. I wanted to describe what my primal motivation is: why I do what I do.

I wake people up.

I help you see that there is only one life and you’d better not spend it napping.

But what does it mean to be awake?

Here are a few pointers:

Beliefs: You are more likely to believe in yourself than in other people or institutions. You will develop an ability to reflect on and evaluate the ideas you were brought up to see as facts and discover whether they are still true for you; including beliefs about yourself, your abilities and the society you live in. Increasingly you will look to yourself for guidance, trusting your own feelings and intuition rather than relying on duty, rules and tradition.

Relationships: You will be seeking win-wins in all your relationships at home and at work. The positive energy created will make an enormous difference to your wellbeing and enjoyment of life. As you feel more supported and supportive you will be able to ‘be yourself’ – risking more honesty and depth with the people you choose to be with. You will find your ‘tribe’. When that happens you are likely to find extra supplies of energy that used to be buried along with your true self.

Money: You will see money as a source of energy in your life, a way of exchanging value rather than power. As you become more confident in your own value you will be less afraid of money and less defined by your financial status. You may even discover that you no longer seek distraction and compensation in material things as you find more purposeful ways to use your time. Money will regain its natural status in your life – a tool, or convenience – not a way to measure your value as a human being.

Health: You will discover that your body is in a delicate balance that you can either nurture or sabotage. When you understand that you can choose to make healthier food choices more often, from a perspective of empowerment rather than restriction. Your idea of a treat – or a good time – may shift as you widen your definition of pleasure to include nourishing rather than anaesthetising yourself. As your energy increases your need for addictive substances will probably reduce and the substances you used to use as props will become treats again.

Work: You will be clear about why you are here and what you want to achieve. That sense of purpose will be reflected in your work, creating a sense of fulfilment that in turn fosters a natural motivation to look after yourself and prolong your experience of this amazing life. You will understand that doing your work can mean more than paying the bills and keeping you off the streets. Your choice of career is a way to express your purpose; so even if you are employed you will identify strongly with the aim of the business you are working in. If self-employed you will be pursuing a personal agenda based on your own needs, the needs of your customers and society at large. There will be a sense of meaning in what you do. It matters.

When all this happens you will be you, in all your glory, alive and kicking. Awake.

Sound good?

Let’s go.

Is your story really an excuse?

I like to tell my story. You know, the one about the 33-year-old woman who was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer and is miraculously still here to tell the tale.

I like to think it breaks some taboos, airs subjects we’d rather avoid, invites you to understand me – and others like me –  better.

I hope it’s empowering and helps people to be less afraid of the disease.

Honest.

Just recently I’ve also started to notice something else… something not quite so empowering. That I also use my story as an excuse… a way of explaining why I’m playing small, not putting myself out there. Why you don’t see me going for it as much as I used to.

It’s a sort of giant note from my mother: I’ve already done my share of difficult things in life and now it’s someone else’s turn. I’ll sit this one out. Don’t pick on me.

The penny dropped as I was reading Michael Bungay’s (@boxofcrayons) inspiring piece in the excellent End Malaria book. Born with a cleft palate, he has also faced the fact that his story is one part empowerment, one part self-pity. The two sides of the story co-exist but when the self-pity gets the upper hand it all starts to go a bit pear-shaped.

The penny continued to roll during some challenging conversations I’ve been having with my friend and coach Andrea Maurer. We have been discussing ways in which you can play the victim while still kidding yourself that you’re doing your best. The wounded hero is a great storyline for that scenario.

Looking this duality in the face is big. Stepping aside from 15 years of ‘poor me’ while saving the empowering stuff is going to take a bit of practice. Some habits need to go, some perspectives need reframing, some baggage needs to be unpacked and some gratitude embraced.

It’s not just a change in the way I think – it’s a change in the way I show up. I’m not a victim, I’m not even a survivor. I’m just here, now, just like everyone else, making the best of it. Albeit luckier than most to be here.

It’s time to let go. Time to stop making excuses. Time to trust myself and the world again. To boldly go… It’s time to wake up from that particular phase and move on. I can feel the shift in energy inside my body even as I’m writing this. I can feel the credits rolling.

So let me ask you… what’s your story… and what’s your excuse? Perhaps you don’t have one. But most of us have a favourite tale about what happened to us and why we didn’t quite make it. Is it possible that you are spinning yourself a yarn? That you might, after all, be able to do something different? Something braver, or bigger? Or just more ‘you’.

And if you told yourself a different story, maybe it might have a happier ending?

Maybe it’s time to change the record?