Archives For direction

Why is it that we most admire people who do something amazing with their lives – but find it so hard to believe we can do something special with ours?

I wish I had £1 for everyone who has told me that they don’t really like the work they do but they really don’t think they could be successful at anything else. The reasons all sound good: too old, too experienced in one thing, not enough experience in anything, too poor to start, too rich to fail, too comfortable, too busy, too tired, too stressed, too scared. When you cut through the surface arguments, for most of there are 3 key problems:

- finding the self-confidence to believe our dream can really happen.

- carving out the time to pursue it.

- fear of financial failure.

Work is so much more exciting and rewarding when we connect to our underlying motivations. If you can identify the things that are really important to you and find a way to express them in your work you will be working at a completely different level. When that happens you’ll find that other elements of your life will be transformed. Your relationships, your sleep, your health, your whole outlook!

Research shows that when we work at a higher level we’re far more likely to be successful in our chosen venture. Think about it… Bring to mind someone you know who is really successful. How can you tell? Is it the car they drive? The size of their house? The way their partner looks? Or the way they smile? What, for you, equals success?

In fact, the research shows that being happy is a precursor to success – not the other way round. So people who prioritise happiness are more likely to have the trappings of success: the promotion, the great relationships, the happy kids, the Jimmy Choos…

I was listening to a podcast this week with Karen Capello – an inspirational life coach – as she described how she overcame one of her most debilitating beliefs around money. She had grown up in a lower-middle class family in Chicago where it was widely agreed that hard work and perseverance were the key to success; a belief that was common among people of that generation, my parents included. A couple of years ago she suddenly realised she was still carrying this belief – even though it’s no longer true. She lives in an age where you can work smarter rather than harder to get what you want. The evidence is all around.

You also live in an age where doing what you love is more likely to lead to success than banging your head against the same old brick wall. But you may find that your beliefs haven’t caught up with reality yet.

Two weeks ago the talk was all about making resolutions. At the 50th birthday party I enjoyed last weekend it was more about breaking resolutions.

And, hey… let’s not take life too seriously so early in the year… there’s nothing wrong with that. Except…

Except if your resolution really means something to you but you feel you really can’t get into the right place to make it happen. And then you hate yourself for it and you get into a vicious circle of doing the ‘bad thing’ even more than before. And end up feeling even worse about yourself.

Which is a significant problem – because most of us make resolutions so that we can feel better about ourselves; to silence that nagging voice inside that just keeps on criticising us – or warning us – that we’re heading in the wrong direction. What we want is the feeling of having achieved it. We probably want that more than the achievement. It’s a happy feeling.

While the popular belief is “I will be happy when I have ……….” (fill in the blank), the research on happiness shows that it happens the other way round. You need to be happy first and then all these good things will come to you.

So if you’re wondering why you are only 2 weeks into the year and already you’ve blown a big hole in your hopes for the year try making a new resolution. Decide to focus on the goals that will take you towards happiness rather than the things that will move you away from feeling bad about yourself. It’s a whole new mindset. And it feels so much better.

Is it me? I’ve never known so much worry about money, and I’m tired of hearing that our economy isn’t growing as fast as it should. As though a fast-growing economy is the solution to our financial perils. It seems to me that the desire to seek ever-expanding economic opportunities is what got us into this mess.

Money troubles seem to be everywhere – personal finances, national bailouts, the global economy. Our spending patterns are under scrutiny and it feels like the world order is on the brink of change. It’s quite possible that some of the financial security we have taken for granted and built our lives around may be at risk. Imagine!

Funny how so many people worry about how they spend their money – but so few people give any deep thought to how they spend their time.

Time is the ultimate scarce resource. No matter how hard you work or how clever you become you can’t create more of it. You can’t save it and you can’t invest it. There are only 24 hours in a day and we can’t expect much more than 80 years in a life – if we’re lucky.

I suppose it was cancer that really opened my eyes to the value of time. I realised that I hadn’t done what I wanted to do and I hadn’t always used my time carefully – packing too much stuff in that I ‘should’ or ‘ought’ to do – and not leaving enough space for the things I really wanted to do. I also saw that no amount of money now, or in the future, could make up for that loss.

I began to understand that I have choices around the way I spend my time in exactly the same way that I make decisions about how I spend my money. I became more generous towards people and things that lit me up – and miserly about some of the boring and dutiful things that bring me down. (The things that I did to get cosmic brownie points but leave me feeling tired and cross.)

For example, I refused to sit on any more committees because I hate them. On the other hand I now spend more time outdoors and in the garden – something I tend to think of as a treat, only when all the chores are done.

The biggest change though is refusing to spend my work time feeling uninspired. I was no longer capable of renting my time to someone else in return for a salary (unless the cause was totally aligned with my beliefs). I needed all my time because there was so much I wanted to do.
I don’t kid myself that my decision has made the slightest difference in the big wide world. Although I do have a few clients who would argue with that. But it makes the most enormous difference to me.

The nagging feeling I used to have of not quite being on the right track has completely gone. I know that if I die tomorrow I will have spent this day well. I will have owned my time and chosen my path and lived my own life in a purposeful way. And for me that is more valuable than anything else.

I believe the world would be a better place if we were more aware of how we spend our time and less aware of how we spend our money.

What do you think?